Recap: What We Do in the Shadows 209: Witches
Photo credit: FX
What We Do in the Shadows 209: Witches: Laszlo and Nandor are kidnapped by witches for a sexy purpose. Nadja, Colin, and Guillermo come to their rescue. But mostly Guillermo.
The Goat(Not Tom Brady, an actual goat)
Laszlo(Matt Berry) is in his garden, skipping a house meeting and pruning his apples. He does this by cutting them off and just throwing them on the ground.
Guillermo(Harvey Guillén) refuses to fetch him, as he is on his break. He has been watching a lot of Shark Tank, and has been gaining confidence. He also invented a blood removing stick.
Photo credit: FX
A goat(voiced by James Frain) appears in Laszlo’s garden, calling his name. It looks and acts very much like Black Phillip. Intrigued at first, Laszlo is then swept up and taken up into the sky.
Photo credit: FX
Witches
Guillermo, Nadja(Natasia Demetriou), Colin(Mark Proksch) and Nandor(Kayvan Novak) search the garden for Laszlo. Nadja immediately blames witches. This is nothing new, as Nadja has a history of being wary of witches. Rightfully so, too. But I get ahead of myself, and the recap.
Nandor sees the goat, and even though Nadja warns him to stay away, he goes to it, and is swept up as well.
The face you make when Nandor won’t listen.
Photo credit: FX
To the Witches’ Lair
Guillermo drives Colin and Nadja as they keep pace with the flying witches. They are tracked down to an upscale store in Brooklyn with Himalayan salt lamps and essential oils. Guillermo, being the only non-supernatural being, goes inside to investigate.
While Colin and Nadja are waiting, the goat appears behind them and whisks them away as well.
The Room of Doors
Guillermo gets a temple massage from witch Quinn(Clara Wong), then is escorted to a magical room full of doors. There is only one exit, and all other doors hold nasty surprises or lead back to the same room.
Colin: How many door rooms do you think they have?
Nadja: It’s the same room, Professor Pig Dick!
Colin treats it like an escape room, and thinks he can get them out.
This is what’s behind door number 2 now.
Photo credit: FX
Guillermo succeeds, much to Colin’s chagrin, because the exit is clearly marked, but in Spanish.
Photo credit: FX
The Extraction
Photo credit: FX
The witches have kidnapped Laszlo and Nandor for their semen. The witches need superior semen to keep up their youthful appearance. Without it, they look their realllly old selves. Nandor is okay with this. He must be all about OWILFs(Old Witches I’d Love to…you know)
They use their witchery and some really good smelling incense to arouse the vampires, then bring out the extraction tools-eighteenth century surgical tools. Things suddenly got less fun for the two vampires. Luckily, Guillermo, Nadja, and Colin find them.
Why Nadja Hates Witches
Nadja: Lilith is a witch I befriended many, many years ago. She used to run a shop that sold all the newest mixtures of make-ups and ladies’ clothings and shirtings and suitings and shoesings.
Nadja recognizes head witch Lilith(Lucy Punch). They have a past. They were best friends once, but Lilith seduced Laszlo by taking Nadja’s form.
Nadja, spitting: Ptoo, ptoo, ptoo, ptoo, ptoo. Five spits for an enemy, Lilith.
Sort of. She had dark hair and a vague accent, but that was enough to fool Laszlo. Frustrated, Nadja asks Laszlo how many people he has mistaken for her. Nandor is on the list.
Guillermo’s Solution
Guillermo saves the day(again) by making a deal with the witches.
Since the vampires leave semen around all the time at the Staten Island residence, Guillermo will gather it and deliver it to them. He benefits by getting a cut of the profits. Considering he has to clean the stuff up anyway, that is some great, profitable thinking on Guillermo’s part.
Photo credit: FX
Photo credit: FX
Still Aroused
Laszlo is in the vampire version of the doghouse: the coffin in the basement. He approaches Nandor and the two are still aroused. They strike a deal to give each other a hand.
Talking to the Goat
Guillermo makes a delivery to the witches, bemoaning to himself and to the goat, who we learn is named Black Pete. They are both stuck in the familiar zone. The credits roll with the song “Gather Up” by Matt Berry over them.
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What We do in the Shadows airs Wednesdays at 10 pm on FX.
